St. Francis, I Loveth Thee, But…

Lord, I pray that you will make me an instrument of your peace

even though Jesus said sometimes there would not be peace, but a sword.

 

I’d like to sow love

but my fear drives me to defend against what you hate.

 

If I could pardon, I would, and be pardoned;

But after I died, I might not still know

how to get along with others.

 

I’d love for you to give me faith in place of doubt,

as doubt has been the mechanism of fear

which has been the driving force for me to try to be good

so that I won’t be consigned to eternal torture.

 

If you could replace my despair with hope,

I would still know that

for everyone,

life is being prophetically preached as getting much worse

in a literal way

before it gets better.

 

If your light could be shined into the darkness,

there is not a better time than the always now.

 

And I feel I cannot change

a part of my being that you put into place

which is so much a part of your empathy for those who are not special;

You’ve given me the Spirit of Sadness that supersedes the joy in the feeling

of getting mine.

 

For I do not want to be consoled out of caring for the unimportant,

the ones who can’t call themselves a man-made label,

but who possibly know your Spirit anyway.

For there is no ego in Christ,

and His generosity of heart does not require puffing up,

only Love.

 

I will not be understood. I mirror you in that.

 

I will not say flowery words that preach to the choir

to receive the seal of approval from the many.

 

I will give to whom I give, without speaking of it.

 

I will ask you to pardon me when I complain because dying hurts,

or I can’t understand others.

Help me to make you happy and to bring joy

in the uniquely peculiar way you have bestowed on me;

I ask you to help me forgive myself and others

when we enjoy our false feelings of competition

as if in some race to be the best over being loving.

 

If I have trouble loving rightly,

help me to see what love there is in me and you together.

 

If each person knew the joy of existing in love

they would never leave it.

Therefore, since the potential and seed-planted desire of all your creation

is to intrinsically experience the high of love,

help me to see all my brothers and sisters

as operating in only the highest degree of love

that they can in this moment

even if it is mainly out of self-preservation.

From this perspective, most are operating

from the highest level capable

in the cumulative consciousness.

 

Help me to be part of a shift that helps the collective move forward.

 

Help me to have empathy for those

who are seemingly tethered to the generalized quality of this mirage,

and for the areas of my life

where I am blind to it myself.

 

Help me to care for the collective wholeness, even as I know

I have to account for my individual self.

Correcting in self

Loving toward others

May it be so.

Never Again

I poured out my heart

to the wall

and laughed with false jovial glee

at my own nervousness,

disclaiming my pain

in my aim to please;

The magnifying glass

test tubes and beakers

all bubbled and broke with questions

as my pain was dissected,

(with smoked salmon on the side)

A beige blandness

shining as bright as the white of your eyes

covered me with your ashes;

never again

Word Association

Daughter

brilliant

self

reflection

rejection

insignificant

relief

boundary

perception

family

“culture wars”

long

boundary

imperfection

moral

heart

suffer

parents

sufficient

We

They

Jesus

consciousness

way

autonomy

Quiet

Brain

The Day I Stopped Following Myself

What I said

was nobody’s business

but I made sure that the world heard it

That’s when I realized

Nobody cared who I was voting for

or whether I prayed in kindness for this group

or for these others to get their act together

or even whether I thought I had arrived at a place to know

which was which

 

I stopped following myself

the day I got so offended and hurt

that I had to tell myself what I thought

I should already know

 

And I couldn’t keep quiet

until I knew it would do no good

Then I effectively quit caring

whether I said anything

out there

at all.

Strangers as Family

Strangers as family

who would have known?

Strange things have happened

bringing me home

 

Strangers as family

I’d never have guessed

different kinds of DNA

in strands so fully blessed,

 

Would tell me such a story

that I would live to tell

How people that I barely knew

would save me from such hell

 

I love my stranger family

and those whose binds would twine

such greater understanding

though they possess

is also mine

The +10 Mortal Combat Pelvic Girdle

To take wing

I must detach from this leaf

I will never feel the wind in my hair

if I don’t lift off

(And it has been a Miracle)

The big-girl panties —

Forget that

I am wearing the +10 Mortal Combat Pelvic Girdle

There is nothing else that God needs to do

to prove to me that

I AM LOVED!

And now that I know

I completely release All into God’s hands

and away from my focus

I embrace the middle way

The true authentic Loved Ones

are waiting in the wings to be unleashed

in Love

into my Life

I take and accept my Wholeness

Finally

The Bigger steps will be directed

by God in perfect timing

Only Trust and Love

Loving Paige

Loving Paige is easy
What’s difficult is how
I feel when old thought habits
Beg me to disavow

Loving Paige is easy
She’s responsible and kind
She’s far outpaced her former self
Who suffered from behind

I want to be that pillar
The strength that gives support
But Paige is miles ahead of me
Quite the resourceful sort

Loving Paige is easy
Its the mirror I avoid
But knowing her is leaving me
Feeling overjoyed.

When the World’s Upside Down

 

Where do you go

when the world’s upside down

when your very best friends

look upon you and frown

Who do you seek

when the going gets blue

who can you trust

who will always be true

Jesus is Who

He’s the one that makes new

He’ll never desert you

Sitting righteous in pew

He’ll always love hue

though your virtues are few

He’ll be your glory

when your shine becomes goo

He’ll battle old Saul

for the right for your soul

It’s Jesus who loves you

so roll, baby, roll.

Wholeness

When God’s grace
has been extravagantly given
to you
the judging
of others’ faults
seems an insignificant
folly

Entitled

A long

leisurely lunch

The sun followed us in

and the food was good;

the coffee was warm

Though we had to request it

the dessert was Divine

(Our waiter couldn’t wait to be at rest)

but our heartfelt conversation was the best

 

I thought about how much I’d text each day

if I could

if there were far more for me to say

than I should

Instead I know

that for each one of you

with whom I feel entitled all the same

I give to those who can receive my love

in silent name