Tag Archives: humor

All or Nothing Thinking – Comedy Monologues

I started meditating in the mornings because studies show that it helps clear the mind and improves focus. Well, I didn’t want to do just any old meditation. I wanted results fast. So I started a meditation that encouraged me to get into full pretzel lotus position as soon as possible. I thought if I could just get someone to sprinkle a little salt on top, someone might eat me and put me out of my misery.

This should have been effective because, instead of letting my mind race, I stretched myself beyond my limits. I gave myself something to think about, since it hurt like Hell!

The pain got so bad that I had to make an appointment with my psychiatrist. “Everything was going pretty well up to this point,” I pointed out.

“Meditation is supposed to be peaceful, a stress reliever, not torture,” she replied.

“No pain, no gain,” I said, miserably.

“That doesn’t apply to self-care,” she said. “We don’t call it self-abuse, for a reason.”

“Look,” I said, “I know it seems like I’ve been going for all-or-nothing here. I was just trying to get my brain focused by stressing it out, along with my body, so that when I’m done, every cell in me would think that regular life is a piece of cake.”

She looked at me like I had my eyeballs in my ears. “I’ll tell you what,” she countered, “If you’ll stop trying so hard to change yourself quickly, which has practically made you kill yourself with meditation, I won’t have try to warn you against extremes. Deal?”

“Deal,” I answered.

I walked out with plans to train for my first pentathlon, as soon as possible.

 

 

 

 

 

The Folly of Following Flo

green background

It was a foul folly

in following Flo

Where she would flow

no one could know

Flo tried to blow

the blow was a kiss

imagine the folly

in following this

The flea on my knee

and the Flo that had flown

both became jolly

in rapturous koan

And yet when

I fought

or fret at what was

the more I was fraught

with the fright

just because

so now

I’m not freaking

because of what’s not

I’m following Flow

for all else is for naught

 

 

Whippoorwill No More

 

A part of her energy

as we sent

bade the stars enjoy the sunshine’s glint

Taught the cellular earth to relax and breathe

brought the cosmotic canvas to its knees

Glazed the germ of sand, which into oceans quench

She played a trance-filled whippoorwill safety wench

Trumpeted the sloth in its uphill climb

Formed the bridge into a mother-peace  lake, sublime

She swam without shame in moonlight’s glove

Floating over the membrane of cerebral love

God Popped the Question

God Popped the Question

and I said

Yes

Yes to loving the elderly

Yes to honoring the wise ones

Yes to cautious connection

Yes to joy with abandon

Yes to sending care

Yes to prayer

Yes to vulnerability

Yes to layers of fragility

Yes to truth to power

Yes to a quiet hour

Yes to you

Yes to me

Yes to everything collective we will be

God Popped the Question

and I said

Hell, yah!